I’m Chad Wild Clay and you are about to learn all the secrets… to getting famous, here on YouTube. So, come with me on a journey. But first! Let me put on my glasses, to give you the illusion that I’m actually smart. AND LET’S GO! ALRIGHT! I know you guys are gonna find this one hard to believe but secret number 1… is you actually have to make videos. (DUH) (Laughter) And you might be surprised but at least a couple times a week I get someone asking me: “Hey can you give my channel a shout out? Can you give me a shout out?”, and sometimes I go and check out their channel.
AND A LOT OF THE TIME! Here’s what I see. No uploads. No channel. But now you may be thinking “AW MAN! That’s a lot of work. I gotta be good at creating videos, and I gotta be funny.” WRONG! Making actually good videos, is bad. I mean look at this video I stumbled upon fairly recently. It’s one of the funniest and smartest comedy music videos I have seen in awhile. And it clearly took them weeks and thousands of dollars to make. But after four months, they finally just hit 10,000 views. NAW GUYS! You got it all wrong! What you gotta do is create: BAD VIDEOS. That’s what people wanna see here on YouTube. Set up the tripod, one take, and bam! 10 Million views. SEE? “Ah man but even creating bad videos means i gotta be creative, and come up with ideas.” WRONG!!! Secret Number 2… Just copy other youtubers! Alright, so what kinda videos should i copy? Well, SECRET#3 ‘Fake Pranks’ Don’t be like Steve Green and do real pranks and get 100,000 of views. Fake your pranks and get millions of views! Secret #4 Challenges… – Oreo Challenge – – Oreo Challenge – – Soda Challenge – – Oreo Challenge – – Soda Challenge – – Chinnamon Challenge – Whatever challenges have been done before, you just redo `em yourself! Secret #5 Scream a whole lot while playing video games.
I don’t think we need to go onto a whole lot of detail here, which leads into Secret #6. Minecraft! Do anything Minecraft and you are guaranteed to become famous. (Music) Secret #7 Five Nights at Freddy’s. But I gotta warn you: Once you start making videos for them, you cant stop. Take it from from my buddy KSick who’s now being told he should die, because he stopped make “Five Nights at Freddy” videos. – “I hate to say this but…” – I don’t believe you. “I really hope you die.” “Like i honestly hope you fucking die.” *COUGHING* Damn dude! #8 Daily Vlogs. Everybody loves to watch somebody else’s life, cause their own life is super boring. Let them watch your life! Secret #9 ‘Hauls’ Just go out and buy a bunch of crap, bring it home and then show everybody what you bought. Don’t have a lot of money? Well, head on down to the Dollar Store.
Come on back and do a video haul! Secret #10 ‘Tag Videos’ I’m talking about the boyfriend tag and the girlfriend tag, in particular. Secret #11 The one I follow the most closely! Parodies! Everybody loves parodies, and if you can make parodies, you’re guaranteed success! Secret #12 Eat disgusting food, ’cause nobody wants to eat disgusting food! But everybody wants to watch you eat disgusting foods. Now all of those ideas seem like it takes a little too much talent or a little too much work. What you can do is ‘React Videos’. What you do is you take somebody else’s video and you just film yourself: Watching it.
Now even that’s a little too much work because you know you gotta put your face in there and everything, what you can do is you can make ‘Vine Compilation’, so you can just steal everybody else’s Vine Videos, compile them together and just upload that to YouTube. Now stealing people’s videos and even worse all the work that it takes to combine all those videos together is just too much for you? Then why not just steal one and then just slap on your own little intro and… there you go! Ok, so now you decided what kind of video you’re gonna make but now you’re wondering: “How should I act in the video, how should I look?” BE ATTRACTIVE! Everybody knows this, come on! This isn’t news. Let’s move on to #17. Scream at the computer! Secret #18. Swear or act like an idiot and just hate on everything. If you want to get into the beauty side of this YouTube industry, than what you need to do is you need to act stuck up and then put on so much makeup, that people can hardly recognize you.
Secret #20 is to act like you’re rich even if you’re not, which if you follow these tips you’re gonna be richer very soon… eh eh eh! Secret #21 1)Have a high pitched voice… 2)Have an accent. Accents are sexy, unique and memorable. Have an accent! Alright so you know what kind of video you’re going to make, how you’re going to act, how you’re going to look. Now we need to sprinkle in some of those extra YouTube seasonings, to really spice it up our recipe here. Secret #23 Pets! If you can have cute adorable pets in your videos… tada!!! Secret#24 You got to have some pillows sprinkled behind you. You know some of those “Subscribe”, “Like” pillows… Secret #25 Use ‘Memes’ ! I’m talking about… (1st meme) I’m talking about… (2nd meme) Whatever is currently trending just throw those memes right in your videos. Secret #26 Jump cuts! The more jump cuts you add… the better. Because everybody has a short attention span, and you need to keep them interested. Act cheesy, have some really bad puns and if you can shed a tear or two, everybody loves a good cry section.
Alright so you’ve got your video made, now you need to make sure that people click into it. I now present to you the most effective, time tested proven method, since the dawn YouTube’s: “Boobs in the thumbnail!” “Boobs in the thumbnail!” “Boobs in the thumbnail!” “Boobs in the thumbnail!” “Boobs in the thumbnail!” “Boobs in the thumbnail!” “Boobs in the thumbnail!” “Boobs in the thumbnail!” “Boobs in the thumbnail!” “Boobs in the thumbnail!” But let’s not stop there, let’s go to… Secret #29: ‘Red Circle’ into the thumbnail.
Let’s just add a red circle somewhere, and people go: “Wow! What the heck! I’m curious now!” Secret #30 Add a censor bar in your thumbnail. Similar to the red circle and makes people go: “Uh?! What’s underneath that sensor bar?” Alright so you’ve got the perfect thumbnail that people can almost just not resist clicking into, but you need to pair it with a really good title: CLICK BAIT!!! Something like: “My pet Gerbil has cancer.” But then when they click into it’s just you playing Minecraft! Let’s go to secret #32: Put ‘For Free’ in the title. § Secret #34: Gone Sexual! Works every time! And to finish up our secrets for the title, let’s go to Secret #34: THE CHECK! You got to add that little check mark at the end, it’s very eye-catching and people click it…
I don’t know. Alright she’s got an irresistible thumbnail and title, but you’re not getting any views. What’s going on? Well YouTube is not showing your video to anybody. First of all you have no hope of getting on YouTube homepage, that is reserved exclusively for people who are not… youtubers, oddly enough. First thing we’ll see is the main video being promoted here is the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon and then the next section is Catch Up on Late Night. Oh, more Late Night videos! As soon as we scroll down a little bit further we have sports highlights that we have some more Late Night, we have Jimmy Kimmel Live, Jimmy Fallon’s lip sync battle, the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon, then sport again, the Saturday Night Live, the Ellen Show, more sport, Vevo of course, hey… another Late Night, Konan ‘O Brian there (popular right now), Netflix… so YouTube is saying: “Hey man go leave YouTube and go watch Netflix!” That’s really smart YouTube! And then to finish up with the homepage, why not one more of the Late Night Show.
So you’re never going to end up there, so we need a different strategy, and that different strategy is to show up in search, and how do you do that? We’re going to spam your tags in the title, in the description of your video and then down in the tag section. Alright so you’ve done that but yet you’re not still showing up in search, what’s going on? Well YouTube algorithm only wants you to be popular, if you’re already popular! Uhm… that’s kind of a catch-22, uh?! You see if you upload a video and doesn’t get a lot of views or watch time in the first 72 hours… “This isn’t popular enough we’re checking it out of here.” But if you’re already popular doesn’t even matter if the video is good or not, if it gets a lot of views in the first 72 hours, it’s going to be pushed up.
Oh… did you do secret number 11 and make a parody video? Well I’m sorry to say that YouTube thinks there’s only one person who makes parodies. I’m not jelly at all, of course not! Oh… you did secret number 4 and you decided to do an Oreo challenge video? Alright and here we have the first page of results and it’s looking like you need at least 500,000 subscribers to show up on the first page here. If you have one or two or three or four million that’s a lot better. Oh… you know, there is one video on here that has under 500,000 subscribers. They have only a measly 309,000 subscribers. Uh… but we’ll let them pass they can be on this page because he’s brother with this guy here, who has four million subscribers! Ok, so you’re not going to show up on the YouTube homepage, you’re not going to show up in YouTube search, how are people gonna find you? Secret #36: Collabs! The bigger YouTube channels probably don’t want to collaborate with small YouTube channels, unless they’re actually really talented. So that, kind of rules out that whole idea. “Have a lot of money and promote yourself!” That’s right! Google encourages you to promote your own videos on YouTube.
It’ll cost maybe five to ten cents per view. But hey! If you’re rich you can give yourself lots of views! What’s that? You’re not rich? Oh man… you’re making this so difficult. Time travel back to the year 2005, things were a lot easier back then. I’m guessing you don’t have a time machine?! So hack and spam your way to success! Spam for likes, spam for subs, spam both comment sections, anything you can do. Eh eh eh! Alright, so you’re hacking and spamming is working, you’re getting some views…
Maybe you got a little bit lucky on some of the search results, but you’re getting those views but you’re not getting subscribers. What’s going on? Well silly that’s because… Secret #40 “You hate to ask people to subscribe!” Even though they clicked that little subscribe button hundreds of times before… you can’t expect them to remember to click that when they see a video they like…
Come on?! So you’re getting people to subscribe to your channel now, whatever you do, do not upload a video once every six months. In fact if you’re going to upload less than once a week, just give up now! Upload more, yeah that’s right, upload more, once a week, twice a week, three times a week, every day… it’s all about quantity over quality. In order to do that, that means you have to follow, Secret #43: “Edit all day!” And now that you’re editing those two videos a day, all day long…
Secret #44: “Have no life!” Welcome to YouTube! You are now successful on YouTube… But you have no life! Alright that’s it, got to go. “Hey wait! You told me there was 69 hacks!” Yep, well number 45 says: “Audience retention drops down below thirty five percent”, it’s time to end that video and we are well past that mark. Hope you guys liked that video and please do leave a comment down below, because the next rip we’re gonna be making is actually… “Chask number two”. Which is “Ask Chad”, so feel free to ask me any questions down below, and I’m gonna upload that on the day that we hit 200,000 subs. Is going to be a 200,000 subscribers special. It should be a good day and I will see you this coming Thursday, with a brand-new crap music parody. .
As found on Youtube