Nicole: When you first approach a girl, if you make her feel even a little bit creeped out? She’s going to lose interest. You can be a totally nice, normal, awesome guy, but if you don’t follow certain rules per se, you’re gonna scare her away. Most girls, myself included, can name forty different scenarios in which a guy has approached and for no particular real reason, she felt really uncomfortable and had to leave. So I’m gonna cover five mistakes that most guys make and give you some demos to really show you what I’m talking about so that you do not become the one labeled as the creep. Hey guys it’s Nicole with The Attractive Man team, and in today’s video I’m gonna tell you how to approach and flirt with a girl without being creepy. Approaching someone new and flirting with them can be beyond nerve-racking. We’ve all been there, an important thing to remember is that when you approach a girl, she’s gonna feel really nervous too.
Meeting anyone new can be a little bit awkward, intense, so if you can do something to alleviate that awkward tension, then you’re golden. But if you’re the one creating it? You’re definitely going to be labeled as a creep. The first and most common mistake I’ve seen guys make is that they take forever to approach after making eye contact. You can guarantee any time I’m out with my friends we’re gonna come across at least one guy who will make eye contact with one of us maybe a few times, and then he just doesn’t approach, or he takes like 15 minutes to approach, or something crazy like that.
If you think you’re being fun and playing hard-to-get creating that “Will they? Won’t they?” vibe across the bar you’re wrong. All you’ve done is created the vibe that you are a stalker and you’ve made her feel uncomfortable that she has to be in the same room as you. It’s really important that you approach quickly after making eye contact, you can glance once or twice maybe even three times, and then you need to approach. If she’s looking at you that many times that’s like a guaranteed cue that you’re she’s ready for you to approach and you’re welcome to do so you cannot wait around or else you’ve lost your chance. So the second mistake I’m gonna cover was actually inspired by a question that my neighbor asked me. He’s a single guy and he’s in the dating world, and he asked “What if you can’t make eye contact with someone across the bar? What if it’s too crowded or you just can’t catch their glance? What do you do in this scenario?” This is a great question. It’s definitely still okay to approach but how you do it can make or break your chances with someone, this leads me to the mistake that most guys make is that in this scenario, they tend to get too close too soon.
You have to approach them across the bar, it’s easy to have to get close to them and make them feel really weird, so I’m actually going to do a demo for you to show you just how awkward and creepy this can be from the outside looking in. This happens a lot in bars where someone will approach me from behind and they are so close it makes me feel freaked out. So Aaron’s gonna demonstrate that… so you turn around and they’re just right there, like you can’t even see who is in front of you. You see right there a nose, it just it’s really awkward and it makes you feel like threatened, like he’s taller than me, and he’s bigger than me, and he’s a really really close. So you want to maybe stand a little back I think could be a little closer than arm’s reach since you’re going through a crowd, but you need to be able to see you, so he could have brought up and approach me like the normal way, hi.
So that’s comfortable, he touched my arm gently and not weird and now I can see his face and engage in conversation with him, and it feels much more natural. By the way if you’re not subscribed yet go ahead and click that subscribe button we put out awesome new dating advice videos every single week and you’re not going to want to miss any of them. So now you’ve approached the girl, nice work, but what happens next can really determine how the interactions gonna go. You have to have something to say to her other than hey my name is so-and-so it can be a flirty line it can be a comment about the weather I mean that’s kind of boring but literally anything that you can say to get the conversation going to spark something is going to make a difference.
Aaron: “Hi! Hi my name is Aaron.” Nicole: “Nicole. Nice to meet you.” and then he immediately dropped his head really awkwardly in for like the longest five seconds of my life, didn’t say anything. Aaron:”So uhm, where are you from?” Nicole: “I’m from Austin, where are you from?” Aaron: “I’m from Texas” Nicole: “How long have you been here?” Aaron: “I’ve been here for about a year and a half.” Nicole: “Oh cool.” and needless to say this conversation died out pretty quickly. After you introduce yourself you can and should make a flirty comment, you know, maybe something about what she’s wearing, or something you noticed about her, anything to really get that flirty energy going will make you seem really interesting and also will avoid any of that awkward silence that just creates the weirdest conversational tension. Don’t make this mistake, always have something to say. You can also use your surrounding to use as topic cues if you really don’t know what to say to someone, you can kind of look around you and make comments about things, maybe you’re at a coffee shop and you can make a comment on someone’s order, or maybe you’re at a bar and you can make a comment on something interesting you see there’s always something funny drunken happening, anything like that will really expect a conversation that is relevant to both of you, so it’s easy to get that good conversational dynamic going.
Now the fourth mistake that a lot of guys make is making too much eye contact. Now I actually have not really personally experienced this, but my best friend recently went on a date and she says this has actually happened to her a lot where the guy, you know, they had a good conversation started and then he made some comment about maybe she had pretty eyes or something about her face, and then didn’t look away, would get really creepy and old and weird after just a few seconds. It’s not cool, look away naturally, at literally anything around you. Just don’t stare directly at someone’s eyes for a really long time or you’re gonna really creep them out. The fifth mistake a lot of guys make is too much or unwelcome physical contact. Now this absolutely differs from girl to girl and you won’t know immediately when meeting her so you have to pay attention to her body language and the signs she’s giving you about what’s welcome and what’s not, but a lot of guys make the mistake of having way too much physical contact too soon and it will just make a person feel really tense and uncomfortable.
So one mistake that guys kind of make pretty often is there’s either too much touch, or not enough touch, so I’m going to show you a couple of examples of too much touch that makes you feel creeped out and weird, and then an example of no engagement at all – physical, no physical engagement at all and show you how it looks. So the first example is going to be… this happens all the time in bars or even other places, it’s too much and it feels really weird, so Aaron’s gonna demonstrate that really quick. So .. Aaron: “Heyy how’s it going!” Nicole: “Okay, so this is like, he’s bigger than me first of all, it’s overpowering and weird, like you, you feel like trapped all of a sudden so you are in this scenario it’s just not comfortable you don’t feel good and you don’t want to like engage more because you feel already uneasy, you wanna take a step back from him as opposed to engaging with him.
So avoid that, a simple way to approach a girl if you want to touch is just a quick light tap on the arm or anywhere on the arm hand whatever you can shake hands, something like that, that gives that physical action going but not in a way that makes her feel threatened. So another problem is if they don’t touch it all at first, it kind of creates a weird like they’re not sure of themselves, I’m not confident, a weird vibe. So he’s gonna approach me and just say hi, he can show you how that looks.
Aaron: “Hi.” Nicole: “Hi.” okay so see it? Like, this happens all the time the guys will approach and the like look like they’re gonna shake your hand or something and they put their hands in their pocket instead, and you’re like, all right, left meeting in. And it’s really weird. So just you always shake hands, or something, just some kind of interaction if you really want to get that conversation going it really sets the tone. So you’ve seen the wrong in the right way, to touch a person that you’ve just met, if you touch a girl lightly on her arm, and the conversations going well, and she smiles and you know everything seems fine she doesn’t flow away, it’s probably a good go to that you’re okay to do that again.
But if someone pulls away, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re not interested especially if the conversation is going really well, it just may mean they’re not quite ready for that level of interaction yet, so keep the conversation fun and playful and flirty and you can try again a little bit she’ll let you know when she’s ready for that, she may even reciprocate first, just to let you know she’s no longer feeling nervous around you. On the other hand if you make a light playful touch even if the conversations going well and the girl pulls away or seems uneasy all of a sudden, it’s a pretty good cue that she’s just not really into it. The thing is if a girl really is into a guy that she’s talking to that’s pretty much always going to be welcome, it’s a pretty normal thing, it’s affectionate, it’s nice, its playful, it’s fun. So if she does back away and seems a little uneasy it’s probably your cue to make an exit and don’t waste your time with that person because they’re not that interested.
So I’ve covered the five mistakes that most guys make when approaching a woman and talking to her, and flirting with her that can really make them come off as creepy, a lot of these things are really easily avoidable but they are kind of based in a lack of confidence or nervousness and things like that. If you really want to gain the confidence necessary to approach a girl you should download our Confidence Cheat Sheet right now, there’s a link below and also in the description and it includes 18 proven ways based on science and psychology that you can boost your confidence fast and effectively. That way you won’t have all these nerves when approaching a beautiful girl, and if you really want to know how to interact with a woman and get some really personal advice and instruction, check out our boot-camp schedule which is also in a link below. Thanks, I’ll see you in the next video! Bye! .
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